Where did I go over the last few months? Oh, the usual places. The astral plane for cartwheel lessons. Weekends spent enviously reading the entire blog archives of, like, real bloggers. Busy analyzing why my fingernails suddenly became brittle and incapable of growing more than a millimeter past my nail bed (diet? weather? pesticides? CANCER?!?).
But the important thing is that I am here, I am with you now and you're not alone anymore. Or, you know, whatever. WORDS. ON A PAGE. ON THE INTERNET.
I don't remember how to blog apparently.
But whoa buddy do I have a back-stock of wacky internet pictures to share and probably a story or two.
That person is not me. Because there is nothing discreet about my dancing through my local Trader Joe's. Have you listened to the music they play?!? It is ALWAYS rocking. 60's RnB and Rock. 70's Disco Hits. 80's Pop-Synth goodness. I walk in with the Gorgeous German and immediately start stepping in time to the tunes. I don't even realize the extent of my gesticulating about until he points out how cute it is that I am lip-synching "It's Raining Men" into a tube of goat cheese while re-stacking the cart so we don't squash the squash. YEAH, he finds the behavior endearing and not horribly embarrassing of me or kind of weird in a dangerous mental state kind of way for someone approaching 30. He's pretty into it actually. So if anything it is his fault for encouraging my storewide rampage.
We get all sorts of reactions. Like today, while I boogied down the frozen isle searching in vain for the GARLIC NAAN OF ADDICTIVE GOODNESS. My mister with his level head (literally as he isn't busy bouncing and bopping along) was able to spot it pretty much immediately which is good because I was starting to panic that they didn't carry it anymore and I just couldn't believe that. Have you tried it? Toss some olive oil on it when it comes out of the oven and jesus christo that and some greek yogurt with garlic and tomatoes is all I need for dinner. Yes, I have lovely breath all the time. Also, TJ's I will accept payment for this advertisement in GARLIC NAAN.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, reactions. I get lots of meaningfully raised eyebrows from older ladies who drive very fancy cars. Or maybe their foreheads are frozen and they just can't lower their brows anymore? Dude, botox/cosmetic surgery has made reading social cues even harder for me...
The TJ's guy that recommends wine seems to dig my vibe though. He has a Santa beard and instead of rosy cheeks has a bulbous, rosy nose so you know he takes his job as Wine Guy pretty seriously. I admire dedication to one's job. Maybe I should apply to be his apprentice. Or like the person who knows the flavor palette of the really cheap wines. Over $4.99? Psshhh, ask drunk Santa guy.
In case you are wondering, no this story has no point. Remember, I don't know how to blog anymore, so you just shut your dirty mouth! I mean, come back soon to see how far I tumble into incomprehensibility. It'll be fun!
I cannot help but giggle every time I see this. It is internet gold.
And then to sum up todays post, I give you:
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? I have no idea, but maybe I'll start to figure it out again. And thanks for stopping by.